How I made the workplace work for me …

This isn’t a sad story. (I can say that now.) A few years ago I was in an abusive relationship. (I forgive myself for not realising that at the time.) I thought abusive meant physically getting beaten up – I hadn’t considered the effect my toxic relationship had on my mental health.

I was brought up in a family that ‘didn’t talk about it’, so it was a learned behaviour to be all ‘British stiff upper-lip and get on with it.’ If you cried in my family you were advised to go and ‘sort yourself out and come back when you felt happier. Don’t bring everyone down.’

Over the years I learned to bury what I was feeling and not talk about it. (A year of therapy and now I’m singing like a canary!) I now realise that if we share our experiences, it helps us and it helps others

I chose to share what i was going through with my line manager, Jon Wood, and I can honestly say, hand on my heart, that I wouldn’t be the best version of myself right now if it wasn’t for the support of the truly amazing people I have the honour of working with every day.

My daughter Holly who’s the light of my life!

No other company I have worked for has cared more about my wellbeing and me as an individual. If it wasn’t for my line manager, Jon, believing in me, (at a time when I didn’t believe in myself) encouraging me, showing me I mattered, I’d probably have given up on life a long time ago. Instead, I’m the Technology Communications Manager, having just graduated with a specialist certificate in internal comms. My flexible working pattern allows me to work four days, leaving one day for me to write a novel. I’m doing what I enjoy every day. I feel valued, supported and believed in, and you can’t put a price on that! I love my job and the reason I jump out of bed every morning and spring into work is because I believe in the amazing people I work with. We’re definitely better together!

“I spend time with my team and I know them as people; it was obvious something wasn’t right. I encouraged Naomi to bring her whole self to work and to believe in herself as I did.”

Jon Wood – Chief Information Officer

I learnt a lot from my experience, so as this blog is about sharing information about yourself, i want to share what i’ve learned with you …

• Know your worth and don’t let anyone knock you down.  (Your worth doesn’t increase or decrease based on someone’s opinion)
• Talk to your friends about your problems – you don’t have to hold it all in – (trust me it’ll drive you crazy trying to!)
• Be open and honest with how you are feeling. Especially with yourself! How you feel matters. You matter.
• There is always a choice.
• Be kind – we never know what other people are going through and unless you’ve told them – no one will understand what you’re going through.
• Have boundaries – if people don’t respect these, think twice about if you want them in your life.
• Don’t be afraid to walk away from an abusive person. You don’t have to suffer their effect on you – but you do have to recognise it to save yourself. Life isn’t a Disney story – learn to be your own hero!
• Create a positive mindset. Allow yourself time to reflect and calm your mind. Meditation really helps, there are plenty of Apps out there – some are free!
• Exercise helps you feel good and stimulates your brain – energy creates energy! You don’t have to break into a sweat by running 20 miles though – a walk around the block is also effective.
• Make time to do the things that make you happy.  (Take some time to remember what makes you feel happy)
• Learn to forgive yourself. We’re all human, we make mistakes. Learn from these and move on.

I’m (now) comfortable talking about what I went through and if you’re in a similar situation, I really encourage you to talk about it.  The great thing is once you make the decision to seek help, there are many people available to help and support you.  For example: 

• A colleague or friend you trust to talk to.
• I’m happy for anyone to reach out to me in confidence if it would help to talk to someone who has experienced abuse.
• Your line manager, Employee Relations, or your HR Business Partner, who can refer you to Occupational Health who offer a completely confidential support service.
• You can also call Validium, our Employee Assistance Programme.

Contact Validium
Call: 0800 3 58 48 58 (outside the UK +44 141 271 7179)
For online support join: Validium.com/vClub
Username: Carnival
Password: Harbour
Ships’ company colleagues have the free, 24 hour support of GuidanceResources Worldwide. Find out more in Wavelength.