Names will never hurt me – an untruth

The International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia (IDAHOBIT) is celebrated every year on 17 May. It is a global campaign aimed at raising awareness about the ongoing discrimination, violence, and marginalisation faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and intersex people, and all of those with diverse sexual orientations, gender identities or expressions, and sex characteristics. The campaign seeks to celebrate diversity and advocate for the rights of LGBTQIA+ people.

In recognition of this day, and as part of the ‘Networks & Communities News’ blog, Graham Carr, Carnival UK colleague and Spectrum active member, shares his personal experiences of homophobia.

If you witness or experience bulling or harassment of any kind at work, please Speak Up. Find out how here. 

“Poof, Pansy, Jessie, Sissy, Queer…

Just some of the names I had been referred to by the age of 8. Why? Because as a young boy growing up in the west of Scotland in the 1980s I dared to do something out of the norm. From the moment my gran showed me Hello Dolly on VHS tape in 1983 I was obsessed by the dancing, singing, costumes and of course Barbra Streisand. I loved the escape these grand Hollywood movies allowed me, to escape the grey skies, the poverty, and the daily verbal abuse.

Why am I telling you this? Well; ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me’ is probably the biggest lie my mother ever told me.

Names, while they may not cause physical scarring, the emotional scars that can be left are all too real.

As members of the LGBTQ+ community its important that we reclaim those words to own our gayness, our queerness or however we identify ourselves.

And its not only for us to help redefine the words that were used against us as a symbol of defiance, but for those of you reading this – I hope some of you are allies of the LGBTQ+ community. We need you to rally against the hateful use of these words and call out when these are used as weapons.

As spring turns to summer, we as a community look forward to celebrating Pride and the freedoms that the gay rights movement has afforded us, but we cannot be complacent – everyday in western societies people’s rights are being taken away and words like ‘eradicate’ are being used overtly towards marginalised members of the LGBTQ+ community.

As a white cisgendered male, I am somewhat immune to the vitriol of hate that is now being targeted towards my trans brothers and sisters but let’s not forget that it was less than 20 years ago that the gay community was the target for hate and inequality.

Nearly 35 years on, that 8-year-old boy is now a 40-something man, navigating a world where he can marry, have a family, and enjoy all the same freedoms as a heterosexual person – then why am I still haunted by the words used to describe me as a child? Because names can hurt, and they do.

In a world where you can be whatever you want, be kind.”

Spectrum, Carnival UK’s LGBT+ & Friends employee-led network, supports belonging and inclusion by championing, challenging and celebrating the LGBT+ agenda. Encouraging colleagues to be curious, we drive allyship to promote positive change across Carnival UK and the communities we are a part of, creating a feeling of belonging for everyone. Find out more here.