With more women seeking less medical support during the pandemic, it’s never been more important for us to help build awareness of women’s health issues and concerns by sharing stories and experiences.
We caught up with Gemma Pullen, Assistant Financial Controller, to hear her story of pregnancy during the latest lockdown.
“I decided to share my story because I have found pregnancy in lock down and with my second child very different from my first. This is my account and if it makes just one other person recognise there is no right or wrong way to feel as you go through this incredible but emotional journey, then it was a story worth sharing.
I found out I was expecting my second child around mid November. I have a son who’s six and though we were prepared and ready to extend our family we were not quite expecting it so early. When we found out I looked at my husband and said “coffee and cake, while we let it sink in?” To which he agreed.
While we were both extremely happy, being completely honest it was a shock. It had been a long time since I had been pregnant, we were two weeks away from a big house move and it was certainly taking a minute to sink in.
I told two close friends, people I was still communicated with on a daily basis during lockdown, and then waited some time to tell anyone else. I felt disengaged being so far from my immediate family and with everyone struggling through their own reality during lock down it didn’t feel right to share the news more widely. Instead we celebrated our amazing news in our own way, us as a family spending time together and talking about the future.
A few weeks later we told our immediate family and it was met with mixed emotion, they were happy for us and excited but less engaged than when we had our first child. Being so distant from others making it all that harder to connect.
My biggest challenge was the first trimester and the difference to my first pregnancy. I was sick, exhausted, emotional and trying to juggle a house move and Christmas. It was only by the second trimester I started to feel like my normal self again, back to being active and feeling energised.
It probably took the first scan to really start to connect with my pregnancy, whereas with my first son I connected immediately. This time round it felt harder and I struggled to bond – making comparisons to my first pregnancy only making it worse.
To help stay in tune with how I’m feeling I have a rule in place where I have to make the time to take a long bath with my book once a week. It sounds simple but this time is so important and helps me bond with baby, but also take a minute and look forward to the exciting times ahead. While I tend to thrive off of having a busy life style I’ve also taken up yoga, which has helped me recognise that I need to be more present and refocus each day.
I would say my words of wisdom to others would be that it’s your journey so don’t compare it to anyone else’s, or anything you’ve experienced before.
Everyone has a different experience, no feeling is the right feeling or the wrong feeling, let yourself process your emotions whatever they are and do not feel guilty for not being a text book pregnant person. My midwife 6 years ago gave me the best advice, she said “you are the expert on your baby, take or leave advice as there will be a lot of it, but remember you know your baby, trust your instincts” and I think it is similar in pregnancy, it’s your pregnancy so trust your body, listen to it, process your feelings and do not feel you have to be or feel something you aren’t!
Pregnancy can be overwhelming, and if you’re struggling to feel the way you think you “should feel” , you’re certainly not alone. You’re also not alone if you find yourself elated the whole way through. The important thing is that you’re taking care of yourself and your baby by not trying to force yourself to feel a certain way. This is a time in your life which is limited and being kind to yourself is the most likely way you will be able to enjoy the journey and the happiness that growing your family will bring.
Experiencing a wide range of emotions during pregnancy is normal but if you feel like you need support speak to your midwife or visit Tommy’s website. There’s also lots of support and advice for fathers to be at www.nct.org.uk
To support colleagues welcoming a child/ren into their family, Athena have set up two new parenting groups. These groups are for parents or parents-to-be, and those caring for children, to meet people in a similar situation and chat informally about their experiences.
Families come in all shapes and sizes and these groups are totally inclusive, inviting pregnant mothers, partners, adopting parents, guardians or those embarking on any type of family set up to join. Email Athena for more information.