International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

This week, on 25 November, it’s International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. Almost one in three women aged 16-59 will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. Two women a week are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales alone, but fewer than 40% of the women who experience violence seek help of any sort. 

I’m Chelsea and I’m telling my story to encourage other women to Speak Up and seek help. It’s hard; I know, I’ve witnessed it first-hand, but as with most things the first step is usually the hardest. Once that step is taken you are on the road to safety, freedom and recovery. You’ll meet many wonderful people on the journey who will support you through thick and thin – it won’t always be easy, but it will be OK in the end.

I think it may have been a Thursday afternoon, I remember walking along the Finchley Road with my mum and my 3 year old brother, we’d just got off a bus, and we hadn’t even had any bus fare. There were some questions I didn’t know the answer to and some things I knew for sure. I didn’t know where we were going or how long we were going for and I didn’t know if we’d packed the kettle.

What I did know was that we’d left in a rush, my mum was extremely frightened but more importantly somewhere deep inside I knew we were going to be OK. That’s what led me to say “Mummy have we packed the kettle? Because if we have, we can have a nice cup of tea when we get there”.

My mum later told me how surprised she was at the level of empathy in that comment, especially as I was only 4 years old. But I understood the strength it had taken for her to get us where we were and as hard as it was, we were doing the right thing. It was going to be OK.

We were leaving my dad, we had to leave while he was out picking up his wages – that’s the only time my mum knew for sure where my dad would be. We were going into hiding into a women’s refuge. We had tried to leave many times before; we went to my grandparent’s house, but he would always show up pleading and begging and promising things would be different. My mum didn’t have many friends (it wasn’t allowed) but she’d also tried to leave and seek refuge with them.

On one occasion my dad followed her with me, and he held me over the balcony, three stories high threatening to drop me unless my mum came out. She tells me he hit her so hard that day that he gave her a cauliflower ear, and he hadn’t even waited until we got home before attacking her.

The date we left for good was 26 March 1981 – for five years mum had suffered extreme violence. My dad had not only physically but mentally hurt my mum, but on that day in 1981 I saw the strongest woman I have ever met. Despite what she’d gone through and the fear of what would happen if he discovered us leaving, she got us to safety.

For a year we shared a home with eight other families with next to nothing. There was no privacy, it was very uncomfortable, but we were safe. My mum met friends for life in that refuge and those women supported and protected each other and allowed my mum to become a much stronger version of herself.

Not only that, but seven years later, on the same date in 1988, my mum married a wonderful man who turned out to be the most loving and inspiring stepdad in the world.

26 March moulded us into the people we are today, and I have my amazingly strong mum to thank for that.

Speak Up: sources of support

If my story has affected you, or you need any help or advice please feel free to contact me at chelsea.hughes@carnivalukgroup.com. I’m also a member of Athena employee network, so you can also email us confidentially at athena@carnivalukgroup.com.

Carnival UK Occupational Health are also available for support.

If you need urgent medical attention, please contact your GP, Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital, or the Samaritans on 116 123, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Refuge

Freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline:

0808 2000 247 or visit nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Validum: Carnival UK’s Employee Assistance Programme – Find out more here

CARE

Contact Carnival UK’s CARE team on: 02380 655 999